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My First Blog Post

Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.

— Oscar Wilde.

This is the first post on my new blog. I’m just getting this new blog going, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.

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Castle On A Hill: The Final Stage

NOTE: The girl’s story will be narrated differently. Here’s the moment we all have been waiting for. Since the story is narrated by the girl to the wanderer, ‘I’ will henceforth refer to the girl.

I didn't give a reply
Lest I should forget my
Reason to come here.
Instead I placed all my
Curiosity before her.

She smiled and led the
Way to the fireplace.
With the voice of the wind
Narrated as softly as ever
A tale heard off before never.

I didn’t choose to be who I am. Maybe I can define it as how I was destined to be. I was born into a world of dreams. A world of expectations. Shaped by moralities and ideal models, I was expected to be just like every other person in my town. As a young girl, growing up was filled with curiosity. I often questioned the morals that my town was set on. I was more like a rebel. Rules weren’t my thing. But you see, being a girl has its advantages and disadvantages. The advantages were that I was to be treated with gentleness and I was to be assumed sensitive. The disadvantages were that I was weak and gullible. I used my heart more than my head and I was driven by the fact that I was helpless. This was just the beginning. When I grew a bit older, I was faced with yet another challenge. Education. Some questions had to be answered and so I accepted the challenge. But little did I know that the answers I was seeking would not be found in the place I was searching. Yet I continued looking. While I was perceiving my education, I came across so many things. I realized that the world was way bigger than I had imagined it to be. There were so many things that had yet to be discovered by my young and curious mind.

I wouldn’t say that it was easy. Every time I faced a new problem, I learnt a new lesson. I made friends. I lost friends. But I learnt lessons. I made memories. I learned to experience failure, betrayal, success, happiness, pain, loss and love. One day, a question struck me. I had been going through some ups and downs. Things weren’t perfect as they should’ve been. But this one question changed the way I looked at myself. Is there something different within me? I knew there was something wrong with me. I wasn’t like my peers. I wasn’t like my siblings. I was experiencing something that I had tried avoiding before. And so I researched. I found out what was wrong with me. I found out that I was not just a part of my town. I was a part of a bigger community. I had discovered what my true identity was. But with this discovery, I was faced with a new problem. Now that I was aware of my true identity, would I be able to open up to people about how I felt? I wasn’t sure of this question that arose. It began troubling me. I started spending a lot of my time trying to be reasonable with myself. I tried to convince myself that I didn’t have to hide the way I was. But things weren’t too good. And this was just adding to my already-full-of-problems list. I let my thoughts fade away into the depths of my despair and moved on with my life. I came across many such questions as I grew. Sooner or later I had to find the answers or else I would lose my sanity. I gradually began to fade from reality. I started living in a world full of lies and deceits. I had become intolerable to my own kin. I was locked away from everything that once belonged to me.

I decided that it was time for me to set out and explore the depths of this world. And so I took my belongings and bid farewell to none. I walked days and nights. Through the storm and through the rain, I travelled in search of a place that would give me answers. After what seemed like weeks of travelling, I came across this abandoned castle. It looked just like the ones I would see in my dreams when I was nothing but I mere child. A place I had always wanted. Oddly, I felt welcome in this strange land. I thought no more. I went in and made the castle my own.

And so you see me now. A girl who looks beyond her age. A girl so alone in this cold, strange land. But no! This, I call home. I don’t intend to leave this place. At least not until I have the courage to face the harsh world. I came here in search of something and I won’t leave till I take with me what I need.

With this, the young woman finished her tale. She seemed to drift into a deep silence. I reflected upon what I had just witnessed. Everything that she said held a truth. A truth that I was searching for. With the knowledge that I had found what I had come for, I bid the young lady farewell and set on to tell her story to the world. I don’t know if what led me to the castle was just a coincidence or a trick played by fate, but there’s one thing that I am sure of. The castle on the hill was the answer to MY quest to find a truth hid by lies.

With this, we come to the end of our journey. Often, we are faced with questions that open a whole new world before us. We don’t understand the difference between the real world and the world that we dream of. We start to lose our minds in this web of lies. As a result, we lose our mental strength. We lose the ability to focus on our inner desires. And so I would like to tell you all to take a moment to breathe. Take a moment to build your own castle and experience the peace that you get when you find what you really want and who you really are. The world that we are living in now demands that we be courageous and most importantly, be true to ourselves.

Thank you for joining me on this journey. I had a great time writing this piece. I hope you had a great time reading it too. I might probably go back to my regular blogs for some time. I hope I can present you with much more fun topics like this one.

Till then

This is your girl Jane signing off live (ignore the cringe).

Sayonara!!

また会いましょう

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Castle On A Hill #2

Note: ‘I’ refers to the wanderer. For those who don’t understand what this is going to be about, I advise that you read ‘CASTLE ON THE HILL’ first. No, I ain’t self-advertising 😏. Anyways, welcome to the continuation.

'What I saw was not 
What I wanted to unsee.
What I saw was something
I was meant to see; for
I saw a scarred beauty.'

'She stood like a statue;
A fine piece of graceful art.
Imperfections, I could see
But this was imperfection
At its finest; a true beauty'

'I wouldn't be exaggerating
If I told you she was but
Like an angel in disguise.
Clad in black, ironically,
She, an angelic reaper.'

'Still amazed by the sight
Of a stranger, she slowly
Parted her lips; a greeting
She murmured. Her voice only
Made my weak heart weaker.'

"What brings a man so
Strange to this place so dull
Abandoned by all your folks?
A man so fine must not
Be wandering all alone."

'I was but at a loss
Of words, for her voice
Was anything but divine.
How could a woman like
Her be so forlorn?'


To be continued....

This is only the beginning. Hope y’all are having a good time.

We will meet again. Till then, Adios!

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Castle On A Hill

I thought I would do something different this time. I am not sure how this is going to turn out but I really want to show you guys what I have in store for you today and in my upcoming posts.

Beware! This is not a poem. This is not a tale. This is what it is. This is her story. So get ready to go on a journey for this might be the beginning of a new world.

In a faraway kingdom,
Somewhere between the vast
Colourful skies and the deep
Waters, a castle stood 
On a mountain so high.

Blissful birds sang meloncholy
Songs, as though to 
Narrate life's sorrows;
But near the castle 
They dared not fly.

Now you might wonder 
What the castle held
Surprised you would be if
Were to say, a lonely
Soul, the sole inhabitant.

Come sunshine,rain or snow;
Seasons changed but that
Castle, was as quiet as a
Prey, as silent as a
Night so reluctant.

But there came a day
When a wanderer said, "I
Will find the truth and
I will unfold the story
That these walls hold."

And dear folks I present
The story so put forward
By the wanderer himself;
A story of empty words;
A story for the bold;


TO BE CONTINUED.... 

Folks! Lemme remind y’all once again that this ain’t just a story. This is a journey. And we are going to go on this journey in parts. So put on your hiking suits and follow me.

We will meet once again as promised.

Till then,

Adios!!

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Dreams of A Young Nerd

What do you want to become when you grow up? What do you aim for? What is your dream? Ever been bombarded with these questions? If yes, I understand you. If no, I pity you. It all starts at a very young age. Maybe you’ve just been to a circus and you got inspired by what you saw. Or maybe you were inspired by a relative. Or maybe you just let others decide it for you. But that’s not how dreams/ambitions/aspirations work. Because at the end of the day, it all depends on you. Your heart.

I was told that the sky is the limit. You can dream as you wish. I wasn’t given options to choose from. It was my free will. As long as I was satisfied with my choice, no one was going to stop me. And so I started dreaming. At first, I wanted to be a doctor. Not because I was inspired or something, but because everyone around me wanted to be one. But when I realized that I would have to work hard and being a doctor wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be, I gave up that dream. Around the age of 8, my dream was to become an artist. Why? Because I liked the bright colours. Oh, how great they looked on the canvas. But I had no intention of making that my full-time job. So I gave up that idea too. Then around 11, Nimmy entered my life. Nimmy was our Japanese chin (the reason I’m saying ”was” is because Nimmy is no longer with us). By this time, I had lost faith in humans. I felt that I belonged with the animals. And so Nimmy became my sole support. One fine day, when I was stargazing with Nimmy, a thought crossed my mind. Why not I do something for the animals out there? Humans have a lot but these creatures are not as blessed as we are. I took one glance at Nimmy and I decided that I was going to dedicate my life for the service of animals. I was going to become a vet. So far, that has been the best decision I have ever made. Yes, there were slips here and there. In between, around 13, I wanted to be an ENT specialist and a photographer. But they weren’t going to stay. A vet was what I was aiming for. When I made this decision official, people were surprised. What would a vet do? How much does a vet earn? Is it worth? Is there scope? It doesn’t seem ”professional.” But slowly, very slowly, people began understanding what it was to be a vet. It wasn’t just taking care of animals. It was giving them a better life. It was giving them love. My mother did like my decision. She never forced me into anything. My dad was a bit disappointed at first. He wanted me to go into civil services. But I’m glad he has changed his mind. Even if not completely.

As I am writing this, I can already see a picture of how my future would be. Of course, it all depends upon how much hard I work to change my dream into my reality. But hey, that doesn’t stop me from dreaming, does it? It has been a rough journey. And I know that it is going to be tough ahead. But I believe that I am what I am today because I worked hard yesterday. And I will be what I want to be tomorrow if I work hard today.

Right now, I’m dreaming about season 5 of BBC Sherlock. And what would happen if Thanos wasn’t stopped? And what would’ve happened if Harry Potter’s parents weren’t dead?

That is all for today folks. Jerry(my giraffe) has a dream too. He wishes to learn how to drink water without stretching his feet too wide. May his wish come true.

Adios!!

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Lock down And Pride 2020🏳‍🌈

So it’s my 4th month in quarantine and I’m doing fine so far. Thanks for asking. Even if you didn’t. I did something heroic last Saturday. That is, I shaved my head. Yeah, like full bald. I go around everywhere(in my house) looking like an emoji. 🧑→👨‍🦲. I made this decision because of my medical condition (I’m saving that for another day). It is not permanent though. I did it so that I could start growing my hair all over again. But now that I think about it, this was definitely the best way to start my first pride month. Yayyyyy.

For those of you who don’t know, June was declared as the National Pride Month. And now that we are in the month of June, I thought why not write about my views. So basically, this is my first time celebrating pride month. Man, I was really looking forward to my first pride parade, but hey, who would have thought that 2020 would be the year of the virus. All I wanted to do was to spread my colors and wave that flag( mine’s blue, purple and pink by the way) and enjoy. But here I am,watching LGBT tik-toks and lazing around. Guess I’ll have to wait 2 more years. Why two you ask? Because I am in grade 11 now and till I am done with my grade 12, I won’t have any time to wave flags.

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH TO Y’ALL

Be safe. Be happy. Be yourself. Be human.

~Queen B

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Empty Eyes

No description. No inspiration. Just words penned down. 😑😑

Band-Aids don't heal scars
Long sleeves don't hide wounds.
Hate can win over love
Knives don't heal broken souls.
Violence isn't inner peace
Words can break silences.
Secrets aren't meant to be kept
Promises are made to break.
But her heart wasn't.
Innocence is a child
Fear, her shadow.
She comes out with a smile
Don't look in her eyes
Emptyness is all you will find.

~Jane Jaclyn Colaco 

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George Floyd: Racism Strikes Again

The world lost another beautiful soul on May 25. George Floyd. 46 year old African-American. Did he deserve this? No.

Warning: May contain graphic content.

On May 25, police officers arrived in Powderhorn, Minnesota to arrest Floyd regarding a forgery. According to a co-owner of Cup Foods, Floyd attempted to use a $20 bill that a staff “suspected” as counterfeit. He also stated that Floyd “appeared to be under influence.” Police said that Floyd physically resisted arrest. After a lot of struggle, Floyd was handcuffed and lying face down on the street. Videos taken by bystanders show Derek Chauvin, a Minneapolis officer, with his knee on the right side of Floyd’s neck for 8 minutes and 46 seconds. Three other officers participated in Floyd’s arrest.

One video shows Floyd saying quote, ” I can’t breathe. My neck hurts. My stomach hurts. Everything hurts. Don’t kill me.” But Chauvin continues torture Floyd. At 9:25 am, George Floyd is pronounced dead by hospital authorities. Chauvin and the other officers were fired. Chauvin is charged under Third degree murder and Second degree manslaughter.

Ex-officer Derek Chauvin with his knee on the victim George Floyd

Why did this happen? Just because someone had a dark complex? It didn’t look accidental. The officer, no, the murderer was enjoying what he was doing. Who gave him the right? No one has the right to take another life just because he/she is protected by law. This wasn’t a normal crime. This is a hate crime. A racism murder. A loving father, brother, best friend, nephew, partner and son. He died because he wasn’t white. He died because he wasn’t one of them. Do black lives not matter? Are they not humans?

George Floyd

People all over the world are protesting. It’s not wrong (protests are not wrong provided they are peaceful). If we stay quiet today, the same thing can happen tomorrow. Or even worse. I am completely mortified by what is happening right now. One death and this exposes the rotten racism in US. White supremacy and Racism. Words that have bigger and deeper meanings hidden behind the crimes they cause.

Someone who didn’t deserve death has died. And the ones who did this are alive. Is this justice? It’s too late to keep quiet now. We need to stand up against racism. Against hate crimes. Because black lives matter. They are humans too. And we need to ignite the fires of humanity, starting now. May his soul find peace. May justice be done to his beautiful soul. May the lord give his family strength. Amen.

Consulting Blogger.

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Happiness, Pain, Boredom

Long time no see. No, I didn’t forget. I was just a little too busy loitering around, talking to flies and holding secret conversations with my pet giraffe, Jerry. Just kidding. Jerry is a giraffe. He is my, um, soft toy.

Straight to the point. I was playing this game called Cryptogram where you fill in the missing letters to complete a quote. And I came across one that went like this:

The two enemies of human happiness are pain and boredom.

~Arthur Schopenhauer

Try pronouncing that name. Anyways, what a coincidence. Pain, boredom and happiness, all in one sentence. Oh wait. Lemme change this a bit. It’s happiness, pain and boredom. You might think why the arrangement is important. Because it is.

Happiness. What is happiness? Is it the feeling of satisfaction when something is done? Is it the feeling of positive vibes and pleasure? These are Google’s opinion. But if I were to describe happiness in my words from my experiences, I would describe it is an emotion that comes slow and goes so fast. Sometimes even before it can be shared. Happiness has one best friend. Sadness. They are incomplete without each other. One hides when the other shines. And now the enemies. Happiness has two enemies. So much for being happy. Enemy no.1 : Pain. Pain, as far as I know, rhymes with my name. But why pain after happiness? Because I just told you that sadness and happiness are inseparable. So you know you are in pain(emotionally) when you are sad and vice versa. Let us look at it this way.

Happiness and sadness. Two best friends. But sadness and pain were friends even before happiness existed. Sadness and pain swore to never part ways. Not even death could separate these two. Until happiness was born. Happiness became the third-wheel in this painful, sad relationship. Soon, it was happy and sad. Pain couldn’t see this. He couldn’t take it any longer. This is where boredom comes in. (Boredom is not as evil as pain but it is equally irritating.) Pain hires boredom to ruin happiness. But here’s a twist. Boredom only made matters worse. Boredom brought along with him his friends; curiosity and excitement. And where curiosity and excitement go, the need to satisfaction follows. This road leads to happiness. And so the cycle continues.

Want a real life example? Take a look at the current lifestyle. People were happy. It was the beginning of a new year. 2020 was going to be different. And then pain strikes. What have we witnessed in 2020 so far?

  • Coronavirus pandemic.
  • Australian bushfire.
  • Ukrainian jetliner crash in Iran.
  • Devastating floods in Indonesia.
  • Communal riots in Delhi.
  • Taal volcano eruption.
  • Death of Kobe Bryant in helicopter crash.
  • Earthquakes in Turkey and the Caribbean.
  • Locusts swarm in East Africa.
  • Gas plant explosion in Lagos, Nigeria.
  • Harry and Meghan ‘step back’.
  • UK’s most prolific rapist revealed.
  • Locust swarms spotted in India.( It’s just the beginning.)

And the list continues. Most of us are at home. What is our present state of mind? Happy? Um, I don’t think so. Pain? Somewhere yes. Boredom? Exactly. You see what I’m trying to say? People aren’t much afraid now. Covid has become an everyday thing. It’s up to God now. And the researchers. All we want is to get out our homes and go back to living our old lives. But it’s not easy. Life will never be easy till happiness, pain and boredom are in the same sentence.

Until next time.

Consulting Blogger.

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Present Isn’t Present Anymore

They say, ” stop thinking about your past; you can’t change it. Stop thinking about your future; you can’t predict it. Think about the present. You can work on it.”

But what they don’t tell us is how the past, the present and the future are connected to one another. You wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for your past. You wouldn’t be able to make a better future if you did not know your past. And the present? There is no present. Think about it. The moment you say a word, it’s gone. It’s in the past now. The moment you do something, it becomes history. Everything is either gone or will be gone. The future? Your future is going to become your past someday. Then why should we concentrate on something that doesn’t exist?

The past is connected to the future. Because when you try to make a better future, you try to avoid creating the same mistakes you made in the past. To do this, in some point of your life, you’ll have to go back to the past. Reflect on your old-self. 😇 If you were weak, you would want to become stronger. If you were broken, you would want to repair yourself. You would want to change everything from temporary to permanent. And the present is something like this. Something like a period of change that does not wait for time. But nothing lasts forever. That is nature’s rule. Nothing should last. If there is a beginning, there will be an end. Likewise, if there is a future, there has to be a past.

How easy it would have been if only we had an option to erase those memories we don’t want and keep only the ones we cherish the most. Wouldn’t that be cool? In a few years time, everything that is happening right now will become history. It’s not that we are going to forget this, but it is something we would want to erase from our memories.

My mind has gone blank now. It is just wandering here and there. Like it’s not a part of my body anymore. To be honest, I am not sure if I’m alive or not. Feels like I’m alive but lifeless. The past is alive, the future lifeless. But yeah, I live by the rule that there exists no present. Just a period of time where you have to makes changes so that your future doesn’t become a copy of your past. That’s all I guess. I don’t even know what I am writing nowadays. I think I’ve given a warning in one of my posts. Dunno if that is making any effect, but thanks for bearing. Hope y’all will bear in the future too.

Farewell,

Jane

PS. I would really love to write something fun and interesting, but my stupid, ancient 500 year old brain has gone into meditation phase.

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You Don’t Know What It’s Like

I was outside star gazing again yesterday. I had many thoughts in my mind. One that stood out was the thought of why everything has to be perfect. I wanted to reflect more on this and so I took out my pen and paper and started putting down whatever I felt was connected to this topic. In most of my previous posts, I’ve been writing from a general point of view but today, I’ll be writing from an imperfect teenager’s point of view.

We are often pressurized and taught by the society to be the perfect person in whatever we choose to do. To be the perfect child, a perfect sibling, a perfect student, perfect partner, perfect colleague and what not. Why aren’t we appreciated for our imperfections? Is it too much that we are asking for?

I was always told to be the topper in my class. My parents always wanted me to score full on full (like not even being the highest would satisfy them). I did stand up to their expectations. But there were times when I would get like a 17/20 and immediately I would get scared. It wasn’t a bad score. I was happy. But it isn’t the same for parents, is it? Maybe it was this fear that kept me from being happy with what I got. It was not until I was 14 that I realized that I getting a 17/20 was sometimes better than a 20/20. It made me feel like every other student in the class. I could appreciate my mistakes and learn better from them. It doesn’t stop there. As you grow, you realize that people always expect more from you. More than what you are capable of. It is not only in academic related issues but also in how you look, how you dress, how you should socialize, etc. Why is it like that? I don’t understand it yet. Why do we have to live the way others want us to? I was too busy caring about other people’s expectations about me that I forgot what made me ‘ME.’ I forgot that I was trying to be someone I wasn’t.

There was this point in my life where I just wanted to give up once. I wanted to stop trying once and for all. Just for once I wanted to be that imperfect girl I was. I wanted to be appreciated for my imperfections. What we all need to know is that we don’t have to change the way we are. The world can change its way. (Yeah, scars to your beautiful). The world can change its point of view. Sometimes you have to be selfish to be selfless.

Basically, the point here is that no one is perfect. No one likes to be perfect. Perfection lies in Imperfection. Adore your imperfections. Because you don’t know what it’s like to be ‘YOU.’